“Thoughts are the shadows of feelings, always darker, emptier, and simpler.
I don’t care if they’re fake or real, I just thank them for showing up at all.
I have black periods. Who does not? But they are not a part of me;
they are not a part of illness, but a part of my being. What am I saying?
I have the courage to have them. Four o’ clock in the morning. This sucks.” -Alkaline Trio “Warbrain”
“You say I’m fixable. A classic case, lack of will. I say I don’t wanna try, I’d rather sit here all night.” -Alkaline Trio “My Standard Break From Life”
My response to this:
“I’ve realized that my mind doesn’t work exactly the way it used to. I dont know if this is medication related or just the fact that I’ve got so much stress in my life from other things. but i used to really love people challenging me to think, and philosophy and stuff of that nature. someone brought up the topic of suffering the other day, and how one’s amount of suffering is almost inversely related to their amount of possessions. Now, in the past i would have jumped on that and talked about it, and played devils advocate and whatnot… i basically just said “yup, makes sense.” It bothered me. i wonder if i even have the brain power anymore to think through an entire critical chain of thought without having it just drop off mid-idea.”
could it be too high a dose of lamictal ?
useful for “preventing excessive electrical activity in the brain. It does this by preventing sodium from entering nerve cells when they begin to fire rapid and repetitive electrical signals. A build up of sodium in the nerve cells is necessary for the electrical signal to build up and be passed on to other nerve cells. As lamotrigine prevents this, it helps stabilise the electrical activity in the brain.
decreased electrical activity in the brain = decreased cerebral glucose metabolism = mental deterioration
Solution 1: Talk to doc re decreasing dosage
lamictal prevents the release of a neurotransmitter called glutamate from the nerve cells in the brain. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that are stored in nerve cells and are involved in transmitting messages between the nerve cells.
Glutamate is a neurotransmitter that acts as a natural ‘nerve-exciting’ agent. It is released when electrical signals build up in nerve cells and subsequently excites more nerve cells.
“Glutamate is a powerful excitatory neurotransmitter that is released by nerve cells in the brain. It is responsible for sending signals between nerve cells, and under normal conditions it plays an important role in learning and memory. There are two general ways, however, that glutamate can actually be damaging to nerve cells and the brain as a whole.
First, there can be too much glutamate around; abnormally high concentrations of glutamate can lead to overexcitation of the receiving nerve cell.
Second, the receptors for glutamate on the receiving nerve cell can be oversensitive, such that less glutamate molecules are necessary to excite that cell.”
Solution 2: thought helmet
“In both cases, cells activated by glutamate become overexcited.” Link
The user puts the helmet/pod on his head and switches it on.
The machine tunes into anxiety signals of emotional dysfunction (madness) caused by danger situations (i.e. the apprehension of images/experiences that are highly charged and emotionally threatening); these may be termed raw images.
The idPod now identifies a theme through a blizzard of anxiety signals, extracting this from the manifest contents of the user’s experience.
“As far as stupid… I was at one stage on 400mg Lamictal and 600mg of Tegretol and i felt as stupid as you can get. I could just zone out and not focus on anything. I would forget stuff pretty much the moment you stopped talking. I would start talking and forget what i was talking about, forget what the whole conversation was about. Read a book and forget what happened. Not remember any names of anything. I forgot peoples names and what they looked like. If i tried to recall anything i couldn’t bring a picture to mind. Its like it might have been there but it was just impossible to get. My sharp replies like having an argument or a witty conversation just flew out the window.
“We cut Lamictal back more and my light bulbs came back on.”
“I am living with noticeable but manageable cognitive impairment. My academic history is not so different than yours only I had non-academic priorities as an undergrad so didn’t do the cum laude thing until grad school. I’m used to being one of the sharpest in the room, but now I sometimes struggle to keep up. My grammar sucks which is a blow to my ego. I over-write in expressing thoughts. Word find isn’t too bad, but it is there. All of this is a major adjustment and I feel like a part of me has been taken. All of my meds except Mirapex nibble at my cognition. At a higher dose any one would take a big chunk. For me, this is the most difficult side effect.”
“… after thinking on it some more, my pride hurts more than anything. i think i just have to adjust my self-esteem accordingly around something other than teh smarts. it’s always been the one and only thing i ever liked about myself, no matter what – i knew i wasn’t dumb. well, so much for that… i think i’m scared i won’t find anything that means as much to me.””… my pride hurts every time it bumps up against someone else’s expectations, too, and i just have to learn to deal with it. i suppose i could develop a whole repertoire of jokes about getting old or something. with new people, it doesn’t matter. with people who’ve known me a long time, i feel really really ashamed. i feel like they’ll think i’m high on my meds or drunk or god knows what. ….hen nobody would turn to me to answer the question nobody else in the room remembers the answer to (or can figure out). i just can’t be that person now.”
“this is something else. all my days run in together now. i have to think really hard what day it was when i did something, even if it was just yesterday. everything feels like it was “last week”. yesterday was last week, last month was last week. the other day i had a little crying fit because no matter how hard i try, i cannot remember last christmas. i looked at old posts from that time, my partner related ALL the details to me… and it is still a complete blank.”
“I used to be able to write awesome papers effortlessly. I used to be great with my vocabulary and ability to talk in detail without stuttering/slurring or saying the wrong thing. Now it takes so much more effort.”
“Sentra AM ™ is designed to produce two neurotransmitters acetylcholine, and glutamate. The two neurotransmitters are involved in mental arousal(1-50), mental alertness(51-99), memory(100-153), cognition and concentration(114;154-181).
“Sentra AM ™ is a Medical Food formulated by practicing physicians to meet the nutritional requirements of patients who need to improve cognitive function and memory, achieve mental arousal, and maintain mental alertness. Sentra AM ™ provides the nutrients to support acetylcholine production by neurons. Acetylcholine is the important neurotransmitter supporting cognitive function, mental arousal, and memory. Under the regulations of the Food and Drug Administration,
Medical Foods can only be used when a patient is under the ongoing care of a physician or other healthcare provider. Medical Foods are used for the management of disease states with known nutritional deficiencies. Medical Foods must contain ingredients found in the human diet and cannot be sold directly to patients without the supervision of a healthcare professional.”