The Aquarium

The spring evening settles around us as we keen, sailboats restless in our berths. We are trapped souls, our barren masts scratching skywards, pulsing, almost vibrating against the indignity of our nakedness. Waiting for the disguise of darkness to camouflage our wounds. We are still alive.  We are the clinical trials which never took place, […]

The Stomach & The Brain

After my latest major psychological/spiritual episode late last year, I opt to do things differently. I decide to concurrently take the terrifying plunge and change my meds by consulting with an unconventional and highly respected psychiatrist. I follow this with five days working one-on-one with my master yoga teacher, an aruvedic healer. At first glance, […]

Thirty Years

“Within us is a secret longing to remember the light, to step out of time in this dancing world. It’s where we began and where we return.” Jack Kornfield Last night, I shared my story at AA for the first time. I don’t owe my sobriety to AA, however.  I was one of those people […]

Sleep

“To learn to see- to accustom the eye to calmness, to patience, and to allow things to come up to it; to defer judgment, and to acquire the habit of approaching and grasping an individual case from all sides. This is the first preparatory schooling of intellectuality. One must not respond immediately to a stimulus; one must acquire a command of the obstructing and isolating instincts.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

the continuing 37.5 ..

I am stuck at 37.5. Sucked into Mindful Meditation for hours each night. Listening to tapes, attended Rick Hanson’s Lecture at Spirit Rock on the Neurology of Awakening … how to change your mind through mindful meditation. Ah, so much work…

37.5

March 13, 2012 Stomach problems continue. Being a vegetarian makes it very challenging to find anything to eat which does not result in severe stomach upset. Using Advil to combat Flu like symptoms. Sleep problems have me increasing Klonopin again. Taking GABA, sameE, vitamin D, and lithate. Irritability. Exhaustion and fatigue. Mood swings.

37.5

March 2012. Tomorrow begins week two of the next Effexor cutback from starting point of 150mg in January. which began in January @150. We have added samE, folic acid, lithate, (searching for celery root). Working with an osteopath. Considering LEM. Yoga 4x a week. Cardio a few times a week. Meditation. Looking for mindful meditation […]

doghouse found

  Even now, six years after leaving home, I return here with my old ‘new’ dogs, Stella and Macaroni. We sit and watch as the tide moves into the Lagoon, and I remember hundreds of walks along the shore with Gussie and Bobo; and Stella as a pup, how she would swim across the channel […]

The Work

February, 2012 … Still, I’m on this journey lately. A journey back to the time before all hell broke loose in my psyche, ripping apart the integral bonds which had afforded me an admittedly shaky and vulnerable footing in ‘reality.’

mirror neurons

Neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti, MD, and his colleagues at the University of Parma were mapping the brains of monkeys to see how specific areas of the brain function“They were monitoring a cell,” Goleman says, “that only fired when the monkey lifted its arm. One day, the cell fired even though the monkey hadn’t lifted its arm […]