37.5

1. Reduce no more than 37.5 each time and stay at any new level for 2 weeks.
2. Or alternate 112.5 and 75 every other day for a week or two and then go to 75.
3. Then stay at 75 for a week or two.
4. Then reduce to 37.5 for two weeks (again alternating 75 and 37.5 if necessary)
5. Then go to health food store and buy a bag of empty gel caps (they are cheap).
6. Put one half of the 37.5 in one gel cap and one half in the other.
7. Then reduce to 18.75 (approx) for two weeks.
8. Then alternate 18.75 one day and nothing the next day for two weeks.
9. Then either stop or alternate one day on and two days off for awhile.

I am supposing I have 1 more week on 37.5 but I just want to get this over with. The sense of unease in one’s skin is almost impossible to describe, let alone bear alone at 3:30 in the morning, when all the supplements and meditations and brain waves have failed to work, even with the added 2 mg of Magic K … and here are the things i just can’t bear dealing with any more.

1. Stella’s anxiety. WHY can’t she just calm down and chill like a normal dog?
2. Carb cravings that I give into now that my stomache is such a frigging mess which means my weight loss schedule is on hold when I should be losing weight coming off the EXR. When am I going to have a normal appetite and not crave carbohydrates to the point of obsession?
3. Feeling a sense of ‘dis’ease in the world. Knowing that the good times are so fleeing … not knowing if I am going to be able to show up for what I am committing to.
4. I want to walk right up to all the people in the world I feel dis’respect me and ask for a truthful overview of how they view me.

Exhausted, exhausted day. Ended up taking 1.5 xtra k at 5am. having to cancle SKYPE call at 9. SO damn tired of all the work i do with no compensation. The day at work was fine but I drugged the dog so she wouldn’t bother everyone and then the young adults come in and ignore me.

I hate nights alone at home. I hate the fact that it is so damn hard just to take supplements.

Went to the city to the James H meeting @ the Hub last night and was glad I did and so enervated. Met some wonderful people. Hopeful this will be a group I can work with and travel with to Rio,or at least connect with when there.

And I need a new home for my writing. Desperately. Sent a query to YES! Organized the grow outreach. ansered all emails i dreaded.

don’t want a condo. i want that house.

~ by boatsie on March 14, 2012.

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