January 22, 2019. It’s my sixth day on 25 mg of Effexor. I am taking half a pill upon rising and the other half with my evening meal. It’s taken years to get to this point. We made the switch from 37.5 Effexor XR to splitting 37.5 Effexor into two doses quite a while back. I feel ready to tackle the cutback now. The end goal remains to be Effexor free.
So far, I’ve only had some very minor headaches. Heartburn, although that is not a symptom listed with other withdrawal symptoms. No brain zaps. The hope is that the Zoloft will help.
It’s been really difficult being on so many medications for the past year. Currently, I am taking:
- 25 mg. Effexor
- 7.5 mg. Ritalin, 2x daily
- 2 Zoloft
- 5 mg. Zyprexa
- 3 mg. Klonopin
The only supplement I am taking is Omegas, 3000, in the evening.
I am currently finishing up a 7 week Recovery 2.0 course with Tommy Rosen. It has been really helpful because I was at a point when my sugar addiction had been reactivated after three years without desserts and a four month no carb diet. I’ve been treating the entire curriculum through the lens of my food problems. While I’ve been successful in cutting out desserts, I am still having two protein bars and a Peets Cold Brew every morning. It’s just ten minutes of my time I need to replace with something else. Why is this so difficult? The rest of the day my food is really clean: I go for routine. Green juice. An apple with almond butter. A tossed salad. A veggie burger on cauliflower rounds. Plain yogurt with blueberries.
At first, I was really good with doing the morning Sadhana and I really enjoyed it. But the past week or so I have been sleeping in. Since I had been habitually waking before dawn, I don’t want to set an alarm to wake me earlier now that my body is allowing me to wake at a more reasonable time.
Here is my Liberation Story, written after a 56 minute sadhana practice the other day. Still needs a lot of work but not sure if I’ll get to it.
I am fully me now
No matter that it is still dark
Beyond the window, I say
As this morning,
like those to come
floats out before me,
I am fully me now, I
move through each day
with grace and expectation
open to each experience, not reacting
for the meaning,
not missing the moment
as it awakens before me
no longer afraid of trying
to be the best in me
I am fully me now.
flows through my fingers,
my mind churning
experiences and words, words and experiences, new insights, new perspectives.
All that once held me back now powerless
I reach out for conscious community
And discover it was there beside me all along, it was only that my eyes had scales, my heart barnacles
i am no longer prisoner to my past
these memories no longer capable of defining me now,
disempowered, dying crabgrass
I am fully me now.
Yoga of Sausalito has closed down so I have started working with Camden at Body Soulstice on Mondays. I am also working out 3x a week with Kelly at Body Kinetics. Usually, I walk in the hills of Sausalito with Lin a few afternoons a week for about 1 1/2 hours. I’m trying to get back in the habit of going to the gym to use the Elliptical.
“Conscious community.” That’s what is missing. I still spend entirely too much time by myself
(image source: jmelt.deviantart.com/art/Your-Brain-on-Drugs-…_)
ON Major Depressive Disorders & Cortisol Levels
Levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with the human “fight-or-flight” response, have long been studied as possible biological markers for depression. In many adults, cortisol levels rise when the person is acutely depressed and return to normal when the depression passes. Research findings have been inconsistent regarding cortisol levels in children and adolescents, although there is some evidence that higher levels of cortisol secretion are associated with more severe depressive symptoms and with a higher likelihood of recurrence. As of 2002, however, cortisol levels are not considered to be reliable enough to be useful in diagnosing MDD.