depression? is that what it is called?

The data on mental depression is as alarming as it is for economic depression. According to the National Institute of Health, 14.8 million Americans over 18 suffer from depression in any given year. This number represents 6.7% of the adult population(compare this to the current unemployment rate of 6% to get a feel for the number of depression sufferers). By 2020 the World Health Organization estimates that depression will be the second leading cause of death after heart disease. Left to its own devices depression is an effective assasin on its own. Of those who suffer from depression, the National Institute of Mental health states that 15% will eventually commit suicide. There is no cure for depression and medication is effective in only about half of all cases.

Glenn Close & Bring Change 2 Mind

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I wake every morning  terrified, overwhelmed with dread about opening my eyes. My heart burns with excessive cortisol.  My breathing is shallow. There is no returning to sleep. The only hope is that after getting up and facing the day, losing myself in brain work, my mood will improve. My will to live will return. It is like this every morning. Every day. It was what I go to sleep anticipating. It is this dread of waking up that dictates how late I remain awake each night. Not wanting to let go of the simple sense of  “I’m okay right now-ness” that permeates my evenings.

I wake in the mornings only because the drugs I take each night have reached the nadir of their effectiveness. They have zonked me out for 7 hours.  My mind and body are still trazadone-infused, but the stronger pulse of anxiety, that damned overwhelming despair, is cursing  my blood, seething through my brain. Incalculably more powerful.

Today,  after 15 plus years of treatment for MDD, after mulling all these years over the onset of the pent-ultimate psychotic episode, the psychic swan song, which eventually launched me (battling to the end zones of my sanity) never to return, into the all too eager arms of psycho-pharmaceuticals, like a 500 watt bulb exploding in my mind what I knew all along was right. The doctors were wrong. The drug companies were wrong. The DSM-IV was wrong. The insurance companies were wrong. I was never mentally ill. My body clock, my natural rhythms, were off-the-charts out of kilter  Off beat.  Screaming for, unable to regain homeostasis. They are still screaming somewhere in there, clothed somewhere inside me. All true sound has been muted. By drugs. By being on the wrong end of science. By reaching a crisis point at the wrong time in history. And finally by being a strung-out guinea pig pin cushion of meta-med experiment at the beginning of the end of an economic system gone totally ape-shit.

I am now an acceptable loss. I am a product designed according to the principles of planned obsolescence.

Admittedly, 15 years ago doctors didn’t know much about cortisol and depression. I would talk about adrenaline and rushes in my chest and brain zaps, about watching my skin roll down my legs, about my head jerking around so violently at night I feared it would break my neck.  And always their faces would register nadda. Noone had ever reported these reactions before. Drugs worked differently for everyone. We would just wait it out.

All of these new drugs came sans operating instructions. Limited clinical trials. No studies on long term effects. We were charting new territory. A brave new world tinkering around with affect, behavior, inside the proverbial black box.

Was the term  ‘circadian rhythm’ even a part of their vocabulary back then? Cause I never heard it mentioned. And believe me, once I regained a semblance of sanity, I was no easy convert. I battled, researched, argued. Tapered down. Broke down. Started up again. An endless cycle.

Fifteen years ago, all they knew was Prozac and Pazil and benzos. If you talked about anxiety, you were depressed. If you talked about not sleeping, it was because you were depressed. A highly effective method of treating ‘mentally ill’ patients with SSRIs had already exerted a tenacious grip on mental health practitioners. They were doing right by their patients. They were seeing miracles. Lives were being turned around. Suddenly, being depressed became the norm. Everybody wanted to live a drug-mediated existance. Except people like me. People who had to. People who had expereinced true psychosis. We just wanted our brains back. We just wanted to return to a place where we couldn’t afford to forget our magic bullets cause if we did we’d be nuts by nightfall.

I can understand how it happened. I can understand that these doctors had their patients best interests at heart.Back in the day, these were miracle cures. Insurance companies were not the monsters they are today. Direct to consumer advertising was not yet legal.

We lived in a different world in the 90s. Before Clinton really sold us out. Before the coup. Before the Telecommunications Act.  Before DTC.  Back in the day, drug companies were our friends.

HA!

I was right in recognizing that what initiated the episode, what initiated every episode, both before and since,  was a disturbance in my body’s circadian rhythms. That the release of cortisol  in my body was so out of wack that I could not sleep, and when I didn’t sleep I became crazier and crazier .. and the rushes in my chest became more and more intense until electric shocks were pulsing through my entire body and my limbs were going numb and I was hallucinating and couldn’t eat and couldn’t find safety. There was no release, no where to escape. Wolves were chasing my car. Pictures were dripping blood. Trees were transforming into menacing mine fields.  Life was a 24/7 nightmare.

It wasn’t my mind that went nuts. I went crazy because my body sold me out.

Today, I discovered that the majority of people diagnosed with MDD wake up depressed. They feel better at night. They tend to stay up until all hours of the morning because they just don’t want to lose that sense of being alive and awake. Productive, engaged.   And now I wonder as well, if this imbalance was the reason I so compulsively (before the psycho-pharmaceutical intervention) needed such utter control over my nights. How I couldn’t answer the phone after 8, have company spend the night, how fear of my daughter waking up could generate such an obsessive rapid cycling of fear that sleep became impossible. The need for sleep was so all encompassing because of the horror of spending a day without sleep. Other people could do that but for me? Just one night without sleep compromised my hold on reality. Brought me to the precipice of insanity. It was always like that for me, even as a child. It is like that for everyone in my family.

Sleep was my opiate. Without it, I could not function. I don’t have to worry about that anymore. For 15 years now, drugs have solved that problem.

But now what do I do? What do all of us do, the ones whose inner clocks went haywire and landed us in the prison of anti-depresseant and benzo hell….. what do we do now? Now that we’re hooked. Now that we’ve reached Peak Oil and petroleum is the basic ’stuff’ of our prescriptions? What do we do now when a looming energy crisis jeopardizes the shipment of our sanity? When we can no longer the monetary costs which sustain our sanity?

Is there anyway out of here?

Here’s some research … direct attributions all …

science of body rhythms and depression

Circadian Rhythms: Body Clocks (Nature)

Definitions

Circadian rhythms :  what the body uses to manage appetite, vigor, rest, sexual arousal, and mood. So, when the body’s rhythm is out of kilter, a person suffers mood disorders and depression. The good thing is that this is a known issue: continued research has shown how to put the body back in balance. Studies have proven that realigning the circadian rhythms of the body can reduce away depression. Link

Diurnal: Relating to or occurring in a 24-hour period; daily.

the rhythm of life

Biological Clocks

Therapies

Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT)

Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT) is founded upon the belief that disruptions of our circadian rhythms and sleep deprivation may provoke or exacerbate the symptoms commonly associated with bipolar disorder. Its approach to treatment uses methods both from interpersonal psychotherapy, as well as cognitive-behavioral techniques to help people maintain their routines. In IPSRT, the therapist works with the client to better understand the importance of circadian rhythms and routines in our life, including eating, sleeping, and other daily activities. Clients are taught to extensively track their moods everyday. Once routines are identified, IPSRT therapy seeks to help the individual keep the routines consistent and address those problems that arise that might upset the routines. This often involves a focus on building better and healthier interpersonal relationships and skills.

Chronotherapies: a treatment for insomnia in which a person’s normal cycle of waking and sleeping is altered.

Depression: Antidepressant Side Effects Hinder Long-Term Treatment
A Review of Side Effects and Alternative Therapies

Resynchronizing Mood Cycles
Syncholamine and Positrol: for circadian synchronism and control of homeostasis.
Syncholamine in the early part of the day, and Positrol toward the end of the day, produces a greater benefit than taking either product alone. Together these formulas act as timekeepers to resynchronize the bodys circadian rhythms, while promoting the proper circadian switching and functioning of the daytime energy production pathway and the nighttime sleep and repair pathway. In addition, these formulas may have anti-aging effects by normalizing neurotransmitter balance, thereby improving hypothalamic receptor sensitivity.Link

Binaural Beats & Consciousness

Damn. Just damn.

hell

videos show what is happening inside brain on lsd …. so when are they going to use this to film what our brains are like on psycho-meds? And what impacts these meds are having on the rest of our bodies? HUH?

(image source: jmelt.deviantart.com/art/Your-Brain-on-Drugs-…_)

ON Major Depressive Disorders & Cortisol Levels

Levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with the human “fight-or-flight” response, have long been studied as possible biological markers for depression. In many adults, cortisol levels rise when the person is acutely depressed and return to normal when the depression passes. Research findings have been inconsistent regarding cortisol levels in children and adolescents, although there is some evidence that higher levels of cortisol secretion are associated with more severe depressive symptoms and with a higher likelihood of recurrence. As of 2002, however, cortisol levels are not considered to be reliable enough to be useful in diagnosing MDD.

New info on neuroplasticity. Beyond Medicine

We are whirling through endless space, with an inconceivable speed, all around us everything is spinning, everything is moving, everywhere there is energy… There must be some way of availing ourselves of this energy more directly. Then, with the light obtained from the medium, with the power derived from it, with every form of energy obtained without effort, from the store forever inexhaustible, humanity will advance with giant strides. The mere contemplation of these magnificent possibilities expands our minds, strengthens our hopes and fills our hearts with supreme delight.” — Nikola Tesla, referring to Zero Point Energy in 1891

Evidence in the form of short-lived radioactive nuclei found in meteorites suggests that our solar system was immersed for a time in a sea of energetic particles.

Sound therapy …. at its very core mental illness is a result of a quantum vibratory imbalance or impurity at the level of thought and emotion … zero point field therapies working at origin of invisible substructure of human energy field (HED)

Zero Point Energy Defined

… the origin of zero-point energy is the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, which states that, for a moving particle such as an electron, the more precisely one measures the position, the less exact the best possible measurement of its momentum (mass times velocity), and vice versa. The least possible uncertainty of position times momentum is specified by Planck’s constant, h. A parallel uncertainty exists between measurements involving time and energy (and other so-called conjugate variables in quantum mechanics). This minimum uncertainty is not due to any correctable flaws in measurement, but rather reflects an intrinsic quantum fuzziness in the very nature of energy and matter springing from the wave nature of the various quantum fields. This leads to the concept of zero-point energy.

Zero-point energy is the energy that remains when all other energy is removed from a system. This behaviour is demonstrated by, for example, liquid helium. As the temperature is lowered to absolute zero, helium remains a liquid, rather than freezing to a solid, owing to the irremovable zero-point energy of its atomic motions. (Increasing the pressure to 25 atmospheres will cause helium to freeze.) Calphysics: Introduction to Zero -Point Energy

The Dimension of the Light

Meditation is a way to experience altered states of consciousness. But it takes time to practice. First I was confronted with my emotions like anger, enviousness, guilt or impatience. But after that… I was just giving up… I was sitting in pure bliss… I felt light… I recognized the energy… and then nothing but consciousness of what was happening… hard to explain… but worth trying to make the experience oneself.
Meditation is a practice to slow down activity – trance dance is hyper activity. Both can have the same effect: the experience of the other dimension.
I see the same world with new eyes. Not the physical eyes. In dreams you do not see with physical eyes. Consciousness sees…

catching up with your parallel world …. locating and slipping through a time/space warp

Zero Point Healers

Metatones: Sound Therapy and Zero Point Healing

pure codes and thought forms from the particular element of one’s nature …. each realm (physical, psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual) has its own zero point … Link

Meditation for activating your zero point – The Spirit of Ma’at

(*Zero Point Energy is defined as the electromagnetic field, once known as the void between cells, now known as the space of creation, that helps explain intention. It is estimated that there is enough zero point energy contained in one cubic meter of space to boil all the oceans of the world.)

quantum k healing … returning to our original blueprint

breathing … more than just a response to live …Improper breathing leads to anxiety and stress – two main culprits that cause so many devastating diseases and conditions. Daily practice is needed to make sure you are getting the most out of your breaths! Andrew Weil

free texture … fluff …. essential ’stuff’

quantum flux … ahhhh, here i am …. now what?

zero point healing: stripping away the facades of personality, affect, socialization, phobia, neurosis, psychosis …. movement in, out, above, beyond … beyond pharma and wyeth and astra zeneca, beyond genetics and patents and bogus clinicial trials … disinformation, withdrawals, side effects, cognitive dulling ….

Deep brain stimulation, first trialed in 2005 at Emory University …. 4 of 6 subjects after six months report substantial decrease in depression symptoms ….

He who would travel happily must travel light.
Antoine de Saint Exupéry

“Come lift me up where I belong….”

Cranial Electro Stimulation
C.E.S.– SAFE EFFECTIVE ALTERNATIVE TO DRUGS IN THE TREATMENT OF ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND INSOMNIA

Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES) is an FDA approved treatment for anxiety, depression and insomnia. Over 100 human and eighteen animal studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of CES in treating these and other disorders. CES involves the introduction of a very weak electrical current into the brain. Before you say, “No way! Not my brain!” understand CES is not “Shock therapy”. The electrical current used in CES is typically less than one milliampere. To put this in perspective, the current needed to power a light bulb is about 11,000 times stronger. No serious side effects have been reported with CES. Link

“antidepressant discontinuation syndrome” … drug companies continue to claim ‘anecdotal’ reports of severe side effects resulting from discontinuation of SSRIs and other antidepressants are actually only experienced by 2 out of 100 individuals!!!

While different SSRIs work similarly, by adjusting the amount of serotonin in the brain, they each have a varying half-life, which is the amount of time the drug stays in the body. The SSRIs with shorter half-lives, such as Paxil, wash out of the body most quickly, which can cause a jolt to the nervous system. In contrast, withdrawal effects may be less disruptive with Prozac, which has a longer half-life and remains in the system longer.

“Prozac is less likely to cause acute withdrawal,” says Dr. Robert Hedaya, psychopharmacologist and author of The Antidepressant Survival Guide. “Withdrawal symptoms take longer to hit, but that doesn’t mean you won’t experience them in four or five weeks.”

Compounding the problem, some experts say, is that many patients who go off the drug mistake withdrawal symptoms for a return of the original symptoms they were using the drug to treat. It is then very conmon for patients to restart the medication.

brainwave therapy: meditation, sound therapy

New weapons against depression: magnetic caps

Now scientists at Boston’s Beth Israel-Deaconess Hospital are experimenting with a new weapon, a new hope in the battle against depression. It’s called “transcranial magnetic stimulation,” in which bursts of magnetic waves are passed through the brain.
According to Dr. Alvaro Pascual-Leone, a leading researcher on magnetic stimulation, when the scientists passed magnetic waves through the left frontal part of the brain, they activated the nerve cells there and connections in other areas deep into the brain, which had antidepressant effects.
“I tried it myself, using magnets to activate the nerve cells in my arm,” he adds. “It caused a tingling sensation, but no pain.”
“Contrary to electro-convulsive therapy, to electro shock,” he notes, “we do not need anesthesia and we don’t induce seizures.”
Studies so far have shown relatively few side effects, but it may be too early to gauge whether there may be long-term risks.

… brain scans and clinical tests confirm that among severely depressed patients for whom nothing else worked, 60 percent improved with magnetic stimulation. And the benefits last several months before the technique needs to be repeated.

Alpha-theta brainwave neurofeedback training: An effective treatment for male and female alcoholics with depressive symptoms link

Electrical stimulation – no side effects…. tiny currents activate electrical output of the brain and increase the body’s serotonin and beta endorphin levels. See video on Alpha Stim … not covered by insurance …

exercise and depression

someday I will, I will transcend depression …. & my mind will once again be my own & poetry will flow like it once did, so quick through my brain, faster than thoughts, images of words mutating into art, effortlessly… someday, me and my self, we’ll be together, again…

A study done at Duke University in North Carolina took 156 depressed adults and assigned to one group four months of exercise training including cycling, walking, jogging, one group received antidepressant medication and the third group combined exercise and medication. After four months, all three groups showed significant and similar reductions in depressive symptoms. The conclusion drawn was that exercise is beneficial therapy for people suffering from depressive symptoms. Even more interesting, however, was the conclusion drawn from the follow-up study done six months later. Participants in the exercise group had lower rates of depression (30%) than those in the medicated group (52%) and those in the combination group (55%). Researchers found that 2/3 of the exercise group and 2/3 of the combination group remained active. 40% of the combination group and 26% of the medication group continued to take medication while only 7% of the exercise group used medication during the 6 month follow-up period. Furthermore, at the 10 month follow-up study, researchers deemed the people in the exercise group were more likely than those in the other two groups to be considered partially or fully recovered and only 8% of the exercise group had relapsed compared to over 30% of each of the other two groups. The conclusion drawn was that even a modest exercise program of 30 minutes a day, three days a week is an effective weapon for combating depression and may be at least as effective as antidepressants. Also, the benefits of such a program are likely to endure for individuals who adopt exercise as a regular, ongoing life activity. Link

hippocampus and memory

“The brain area known as the hippocampus is the one area where everyone agrees new neurons are born in the adult. The hippocampus is crucial for the for the conversion of certain short-term, scratch pad, memories into permanent form. Animal experiments have shown that the production of new neurons in the hippocampus is stimulated by enriched environments and by learning experiences. But do these new cells function normally? Do they support learning? And do these new neurons survive? Some animal observations indicate that new neurons in the hippocampus only live about one month.”

harvesting new brain cells…

“An answer has come from some recent animal experiments that examined the role of new neurons in adults in learning of a water maze and the effect of the maze learning on survival of these new cells. The water maze involved training rats to find a submerged safe platform in a tub of water made opaque so that the platform could not be seen. Training was performed under one of two conditions: 1) location of the platform was cued by an overhead black and white striped rod, or 2) location was indicated by the spatial relationship of the platform to objects outside the tub, such as objects on the room walls, that could be seen by the rat.”

“Half of the time I’m gone, and I don’t know, I don’t know why …… “

I have been withdrawing from my final drug, Klonopin, for two months. I am going pretty fast, and it’s pretty scary. So I haven’t been writing in the blog lately; I will post when I feel better …